A Lament to the late night

I shouldn’t complain. When he does eventually go down he sleeps nine or ten hours at a time *takes cover* but he stays up until 10 or 11pm and is WIDE awake. I have no idea where he gets his energy but I would very much like some. From the moment he wakes up in the morning it’s go go go all frigging day. I can’t keep up, I’m old before my time and honestly there’s only so many times I can say “look at you clever boy!” And genuinely mean it. How can a baby go seven hours without a nap?!

I love him, I really do but I wish he would go to bed sooner. 8pm would be the dream. That gives me two hours to myself, maybe take a shower, do some laundry, read a book. But let’s be honest I would just stare blankly into the middle distance wondering where it all went wrong. Did all that pineapple I ate in my first trimester permanently altered his DNA to make him constantly sugared up? Is porridge the culprit? Perhaps he’s over stimulated by oxygen...

I am a human climbing frame for 16 hours a day, my hair is only just growing back and he’s hell bent on ripping it from the root for his own malevolent plans. At almost 23lbs and 29inches long he’s one good growth spurt away from over powering me.

Would it be completely horrendous of me to get a big bird cage and suspend him from the ceiling for an hour so I can eat some toast? No... probably not smart... he’s figured out how to take his nappy off and he’ll just wee on me.

It’s my only struggle. He’s such a good baby and quite handsome and endlessly happy. The little monster spends the whole day yelling and chatting and laughing. I know he is a blessing, I couldn’t ask for a better first child but I fall into bed every night feeling like I’ve run a marathon with a small rhino strapped to my back.... in 40 degree heat... in high heels.

Anyway. Here’s something my delirious mind spewed up this morning as I re-enacted the sword fight between the Dread Pirate Roberts and Inigo Montoya, but with silicone spoons and porridge.

It probably sounds better read aloud in a British accent, if you can get your hands on one of those 😂👍

-/-

You want to see what the world has to offer

The sights, the lights, the full spectrum of colour

But darling boy I can’t take these late nights

I get it, I do, it’s all pretty awesome but honey I’m telling you it’ll be there in the morning

It’s gone ten o’clock and we’re going in circles

From rocking to bouncing to silently sobbing,

Your eyes are bright with dark little smudges,

I cuddle and coddle but nothing is working

I know it’s all temporary and these days will pass but sweetheart please hear me,

This time I don’t joke, your mummy is tired and my back is near broke

So please take your dummy and try close your eyes

Trust me, I promise, you’ll feel better for sleeping,

there’s nothing to miss when the whole world is dreaming.

Whispers and cuddles they finally pay off, so quiet you are as your eyelashes flutter

Gently I cradle and wordlessly thank

all the gods and goddesses, you’re dozing at last!

My baby is sleeping so don’t make a sound,

I’ll head straight to bed, Mr Sandman is calling,

Stay sleeping my darling for night time is boring, we’ll have so much fun but please wait until morning!